Friday, October 26, 2012

Impatience Dampens the Fire

I live at an 8000 foot altitude, and now, in late October, the temperature goes well below freezing at night.

So I lit a fire in my woodstove yesterday.

The process seemed irritatingly slow. Did I really need so much kindling. (Kindling, yesterday, would have involved crumpling many pieces of paper and going into the cold outside to get smaller pieces of wood.) Did I really need to set my materials in the stove just so?

Well, I did get that fire hot enough in the end (a modern, efficient woodstove functions best within a certain temperature range) but it took a good hour of work—adding yes, more kindling, and lots of blowing on the fire. At least five or six times I walked away, thinking all was finally well—and had to return to work on that fire again.

There was no mistaking this lesson delivered by the natural intelligence of fire. .. "Be patient at the outset. Build your foundation carefully. When you do that, Sibylle, I'll be up and burning beautifully within five to ten minutes, instead of sixty minutes."

Yes, it's a principle that's been demonstrated over and over again through the centuries, and I am near the back of a long line of people who have already discovered it.

And in my experience, it's a principle that's easy to forget in the urban world where I've spent most of my life. Just about everything in that world was done for me by others. Starting things off on a solid foundation was something I knew about intellectually. But even if I screwed up on this concept, I'd still be warm, fed, and have transportation. Now that the stakes are a little higher, I'm really understanding the toll that impatience can take.

In case you're interested, here's a video that took me a long way towards being able to fire up my woodstove with competence!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Going for the Big Time

In the "success culture" of the United States, dreaming big, playing big, and winning big (especially financially) are hyped in a big way!

Making it big sounds so exciting—and I have some big questions about it these days, especially after going through the experience of hoping for a big success with the CD I made, and then deciding to withdraw it.

My train of thought goes like this... the bigger something is, the more influence, even impact it has.

What is the true nature of the influence or impact I might have if I manage to get something done in a big way? Especially when I bear in mind that few things in life ever unfold exactly the way we intend, plan, or hope!

I find that it feels scary to contemplate acting on a big scale and of necessity, taking full responsibility for those actions, no matter how they turn out.

And given that any action has unforeseen consequences, including consequences created by the choices of other people, what does it mean to fully take responsibility when acting on a big scale (or any scale)?

This blog post is about questions, not answers.

For me, getting clarity about what questions I need to keep asking as I move forward gives me more courage to try for bigger and better things. I find that honestly answering the same questions over and over again as I move forward with a project seems to keep it on track much better than thinking I have a plan set and in place.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Rabbit Loves the Sun; Dandelion Loves the Bee


Life in rural New Mexico surprises me almost daily, showing me how many assumptions I have about the other creatures I share the land with.

I was crossing a dirt and gravel road the other day and noticed a wild rabbit sitting almost right in the middle of it.

Just sitting there, in plain sight of any passing eagle or hawk. It was surrounded by gravel and dust. There's nothing rabbits eat growing on the local roads.

I couldn't help but wonder about this situation and so I stopped too, and stood there while the rabbit sat maybe 30 feet away.

Then, as I watched this creature's body language, it dawned on me.

This rabbit was sunning itself. It seemed to be particularly enjoying spreading its ears into the sun.

It was enjoying a nice sit out in the road, getting itself warm and toasty. Maybe that rabbit was storing up some heat for the cool night ahead. At an 8,000 feet altitude, the sun is intense during the day, and then the temperature drops every night, without fail. Not like summer heat waves on the east coast at all, where it can stay very hot for days and nights on end.

We both lingered for a while, enjoying some rays, and then the rabbit, for reasons of its own, which I certainly did not understand, flashed the white underside of its tail as it ran into the bushes at the roadside.

Here's a cottontail doing its thing in California desert: ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

About a week ago, I was sitting on my outdoor porch one morning having breakfast. A bee showed up and landed on a dandelion flower close by.

I was idly watching, when a little bolt of awareness shot through me. The dandelion flower was actually moving, as far as I could tell, in response to the bee.

It was spreading itself wider and also angling itself so that it made a nicer landing pad for bees flying in from the direction this one had come from.

My impression was that the dandelion was seriously enjoying this visitor, and several more pollinators (insects I couldn't identify) showed up after the first bee left. Perhaps because of the strong signal the dandelion started broadcasting with the first bee?

I can't prove anything here "scientifically." I know how I felt as I saw the flower and the bee together, and it was a very good feeling.

Like the bee, I also really like eating dandelions. If you're interested in a recipe for dandelion pesto, you'll find it here.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

One Breath

I met a horse and we shared breath.

A few days later, I opened an email a friend had sent weeks ago and discovered this poem by Drew Dellinger, called "Hymn to the Sacred Body of the Universe"

It starts out with the words,

"Let's meet at the confluence
Where you flow into me
And one breath swirls
Between our lungs... "

Sunday, August 19, 2012

A Horse Breathes On Me

I was feeling dispirited yesterday, because of recent developments in my life.

I decided to go for a walk. I find that being outside of four walls really helps when my emotions are taking a belly flop.

And in rural New Mexico, where I now live, I find it pretty well impossible to stay down for long when I go outside. Mountains, big fluffy clouds, hummingbirds, sunflowers growing along the roadside... it's enough to make me want to learn to use my camera! (That's another long story.)

I crossed the acequia (beautiful, rock-lined irrigation stream) near my home, walked across a meadow, and followed a driveway that passes by a horse pasture.

Two of the horses looked up and clearly signalled that they were curious about me. I love horses, so I decided to return the favor. I walked towards the fence marking their space and started telling them how beautiful they were... two gorgeous chestnut horses, gleaming in the sun, one with a narrow, lightning shaped blaze on its forehead.

I guess they liked the sound of me, since they ambled on over to the fence, poked their heads over and started sniffing me and generally checking me out. I started to stroke the one closest to me. It was somewhat interested, then started to move on.

The second horse was very interested, though. It responded to a few strokes along its neck by putting its mouth and nose right next to my throat and treating me to ten or fifteen rounds of the sound and warmth of its breath, exhaled across my throat and face.

I am new to the country and new to horses. My instincts said, no problem, so I stood there fairly calmly, receiving the beauty of its breath with all the presence I could muster. And of course, I also registered the fact that I don't know much about what to look out for when spending time up close with a horse, and its big teeth were right next to my throat. My decision in the moment was to stay for a while.

I was mesmerized enough that I can't exactly remember now who backed off first, but I bet it was me.

The horse and I hung out a little longer from a farther distance, looking at one another. I continued telling that horse how beautiful I thought he/she (gender was not revealed in this encounter) was.

I discovered on this visit that horses have impossibly exquisite eyes! I was amazed by the shape, by the quality of the light reflected by their eyes, and by the integration of power and tenderness I saw in their eyes.

Those horses returned me to my equilibrium, and I was able to take several productive actions over the rest of the evening.

This morning, I searched the web and found inspiring information about the qualities horses demonstrate and can teach us.

I also found this video that brought me to tears through its exploration of horses and the connection between them and the human spirit.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

CD Withdrawn

Hello once more to all who read this blog...

My intention was to leave all the posts about the Feel the Love, Get the Respect CD up at this blog. (I've been promoting that CD at this blog for roughly the past year.)

However, I have decided to remove that CD from the public marketplace. Over the next few weeks, I will also be  editing most of the posts directly related to the first tracks of the CD so that those posts no longer continue irrelevant information related to the CD.

An emerging theme in my life over the past year and a half has been my growing discovery that from earliest childhood on, I have been involved in mind control and programming. I have only slowly begun to understand the full implications of having had this experience.

In mind control and programming activities, children are tortured and traumatized, in such a way that they cannot remember what happened to them. Some people ultimately start recovering their memories, and after many decades of self-healing efforts, I am now one of those people.

According to my present understanding, the purpose of the activities I got caught up in is to create a fragmented mind and personality structure. A fragmented person can be more easily controlled and "used" for various purposes.

At the time I recorded the CD, I knew I had had a very tough life. I did not know I had been subjected to mind control and programming. I didn't even know that such activities existed. I believe that recording the CD and singing out my intentions that humanity receive love and respect catapulted me into my discovery of the truth of what has happened in my life.

I still think there is a great deal of beauty and power on the CD I made. However, I have also become acutely aware of how the fractures within myself impacted the quality of the project. I no longer feel I can stand behind it with full integrity.

It is time for me to let it go, focus on self-healing work, and eventually bring forth new creations.

If anything I am saying here rings a bell for you, I can tell you that I've begun finding help for the issues facing me at the sites I list immediately below. For the record, I make no profit for mentioning any of these sites.

Here's one of my own practices for dealing with the aggression I've experienced:

Monday, August 13, 2012

New Blogs Are Up and Running!

Hello to all of you!

Thank you for visiting this blog, wherever you may be in the world.

I appreciate your interest, and it is my pleasure to offer you information you may find practical and useful for increasing your pleasure in life.

I'm excited to announce that I've launched four new blogs as of today:

Food & Recipes with Natural/Physical/Biological Intelligence

Healing with Natural/Physical/Biological Intelligence

Creativity & Artistic Process with Natural/Physical/Biological Intelligence

Relationships & Society with Natural/Physical/Biological Intelligence

These blogs can also be accessed through my profile.

My original plan for this blog,, was to focus it on a CD project I was promoting for a time. However, I'm no longer continuing with that project for complex reasons related to my recent discovery that I have been a recipient of mind control/programming, as practised in the MK-Ultra program and others. Click here for more details.

I have edited this blog so that the CD is no longer part of it, and instead what you will find is a series of ideas and musings related to conscious, mutually supportive communion with natural/physical/biological intelligence.